It's now 3:00 in the morning and I really should be sleeping. I've got classes at 8:25 and an exam at 1:20 tomorrow. I don't know why I'm not in bed, I've been taking my time cleaning my room for room check tomorrow, and I've been casually doing other little things. I think I'm just enjoying the quiet here...I finally have time to myself to think and not have to worry about other people being around to disturb me. Court (who's sleeping) has On Fire by Switchfoot playing over and over and it's kind of calming. (When she likes a song she puts it on repeat for days) I'm afraid to go to bed because I know tomorrow will be absolutely crazy. I haven't studied yet, and my paper isn't finished and I wanted to hand it in tomorrow. I'll be super tired and probably a little stiff, but I don't want to sleep. This semester has been so draining, and not because of the school work either. It's all the other problems that come up that I somehow end up in the middle of. I enjoy being there to be able to help, but sometimes it's just too hard. Residence life isn't easy. God puts us in these situations for reasons. I'm trying to learn through it, but sometimes it's hard to figure out what He's trying to teach me. One thing that has kept coming up is love. I know I'm not very loving towards people. I judge way to easily. I've been reading through 1 John and a lot of it is about love, and loving our brothers. Why is it so difficult to do? Why does our pride make us think that we're so much better than everyone else? I look at myself and I get so frusturated sometimes because I see so many faults that I need to fix. Yet, at the same time, I go around judging others for the faults that they have and for the little things that they do that annoy me. I can't do anything with out Christ; I am nothing without Him. I need His strength to love others the way He loves them and me. I want to be loving, and it's a goal I need to work towards. In class last week we did this assignment where we had to substitute our name in for "love" in 1 Corinthians 13. Well, I realized that I am definitely not loving...each one of those statements with my name in it was false. Yet, when I put Jesus' name in there, each one was true. I am failing at becoming more like Christ. I need to make it a daily goal to be more like Christ, to love and not judge, to be open to criticism in my life so I can honestly grow closer to Him and become like Him. I'm really glad to have this time to myself tonight...I've been getting really stressed out, and even though I know it's not "healthy" for me to stay up so late, it's been really good to be able to just work and think, and now to sit and think. I need to make a point of going out for walks every day so I can have some alone time. Just as a bit of a sidenote, I'm really glad for the friends that I have here at KLBC. They've been so encouraging, and I know they genuinely care about me. God is awesome, and He's really blessed me this year. Even though I know there are a lot of things going on around here right now, and they're not easy to deal with, I know He'll work in these situations and somehow He will be glorified.
1 John 3:16 - This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.